Recently in the Television Department:
February 22, 2011
The Chicago Code - Episode 3: Gillis, Chase and Baby Face
Now that Steve Graham has given me a nice shout-out in mentioning that I've been blogging about The Chicago Code, I feel obligated to say something about last night's episode. Actually, I'll start with my wife's review: "That one didn't suck."
Yeah, this was a pretty good episode. It made better use of the modern television trick of mingling two separate stories. About half of this episode was the mythology, the ongoing story of the cops who are taking on the crooked politicians, and the rest was a separate story about the pursuit of a violent bank robber.
The bank robbery allowed the episode to start with a chase scene which was pretty good. It was great to see cops driving and running around some typical Chicago scenery, including some classic train stations. And unlike the chase that began the pilot, this one seemed more likely to be within the department's chase policy since the offender was armed and dangerous. The bank robbery also involved something resembling policework, or at least the kind of policework I'm used to seeing on television cop shows.
The other half of the story was Delroy Lindo's chance to show off why he was cast as Alderman Ronin Gibbons, and it establishes just how sneaky and ruthless he can be, and why he's going to be hard to catch.
This episode also finally shows us that the Chicago Police Department does not exist above all the corruption. A few people in the department are dirty too. It's good to see that the show's producers aren't going to whitewash over that historic fact just because they have police cooperation in making their show.
Corruption in the department is also necessary to explain--both in the show and in real life--why the police haven't been very effective in fighting corruption in the rest of the city. It's hard to do good police work when not everyone is on the same side. It's not just a matter of a few street cops tipping off the bad guys, either. One well-placed commander with organized crime connections can derail dozens of investigations.
It doesn't even have to be police officers who are compromised. Some years ago, someone in the Chicago Police Department's Human Resources office was found to be feeding officers' home addresses and duty schedules to a gang. The officers would return from work to discover their homes had been broken into and their personal firearms had been stolen.
On a lighter note, it's amusing to hear the street addresses used in the show. Filmmakers and television producers like to avoid using addresses where there might be real people or real businesses. For example, in 1987's The Untouchables, Malone's home is said to be at 1634 Racine, which doesn't exist because that's where Racine crosses the Chicago River.
In this episode of Chicago Code, I heard 1650 West Harlem (the real Harlem Avenue runs north and south) and 1260 East Chestnut, which would be about a mile out into Lake Michigan.
February 16, 2011
The Chicago Code - Episode 2: Hog Butcher
I finally got around to watching the second episode of The Chicago Code last night. The opening titles and music were different, which confirms that the first episode was a true pilot, created long before the next episode. Otherwise, my impression is about the same: It's not great, but I could get used to it, and they do a great job of filming my home town.
The story is still shaping up to be Superintendent Colvin's fight to clean up Chicago and especially to expose Alderman Ronin Gibbons' ties to the largely mythical Chicago Irish mob. They're going to have to introduce us to a lot more of those guys if they want to make it believable, because right now they're making it look like Gibbons is a big shot in the mob, and that's just silly. We've had Alderman connected to the mob, but they're not actually part of it. They just do favors and get favors (and bags full of cash) in return.
Once again, there's some good acting in this episode, but not from Jennifer Beals. I can't quite put my finger on what's wrong, but I have a theory. I think Beals is just the least talented at covering up for the awkward dialog.
That's not the only problem with the writing. Let me give you a few examples (minor spoilers coming):
The cops are trying to catch the cop killer from last week. He shot at Colvin, killing her police bodyguard instead, and then jumped into a waiting getaway car. Colvin shot at the car as it sped away. Thanks to a citizen's tip, they've found the getaway car abandoned in an alley, with blood all over the driver's seat, indicating that Colvin hit him.
Caleb Evers, the less experienced cop, suggests calling out the crime lab to sample the blood and run it for DNA. The show's supercop, Derek Wysocki, has a different plan. He gives a misleading statement to the press in which he gives an incorrect description of the getaway car, which he hopes will make the offenders feel safe enough to come out and move it. Sure enough, a little while later a young woman comes to get the car. It turns out she's the car's owner, and she's come to pick it up after lending it to her boyfriend. In other words, the cops have just used guile and trickery to discover something that they could have gotten hours earlier by running the car's license plate.
Then there's the whole business with the bulletproof vest. You see, Colvin's bodyguard was a young officer who had known her for years. On the night of the shooting, after she received a threat, he insisted that she wear his vest for protection. Then he got shot and died.
I don't pretend to know much about Chicago cops, but I'm pretty sure about this: A lot of street cops do not trust the people in command to do the right thing by them. From their point of view, it would look like the Superintendent took a vest off an officer to protect herself, and it got him killed. End of story. It doesn't matter how close Colvin was to her bodyguard or how strongly he insisted she wear the vest. She was in command. It was her decision that got him killed. Street cops would be grumbling about this incident for the rest of her career.
Finally, there's the scene near the end where the dead officer's mother tells Colvin she's filed a lawsuit. Colvin responds by lecturing her: "I understand that you are upset, but this is not the way to handle this. You understand me? This is not the way to handle this."
That might be correct--involving lawyers tends to gum things up--but that line makes Colvin sound like a self-important tone-deaf bitch, and I don't think that's what the producers have in mind for the character.
Still, I love seeing the city, and there are bits and pieces of the show that work for me. I think they either need to pay a little more attention to the details, write the Colvin character's dialog to better fit Beals's acting style, and move the main plot mythology forward a little more in each episode. It could still be a pretty good show. I'm gonna give it a few more episodes.
February 9, 2011
The Chicago Code - First Thoughts
I took a look at the pilot episode of The Chicago Code last night and...didn't hate it. It's got some of potential. Minor spoilers follow.
(As I write this, you can watch the pilot episode for free here.)
It's not what I was hoping for. That's because what I was hoping for was The Wire: Chicago, and that was never going to happen. I'm sure other people could make a crime show as good as The Wire, but I don't think anyone will any time soon. The Wire was a special kind of storytelling, and it didn't make a lot of money.
For me, honestly, the best part of The Chicago Code was how well they showed off the City of Chicago. There's the skyline, of course, and Buckingham fountain, and the elevated train tracks. Strangely, they use a shot of LaSalle Street before showing Superintendent Theresa Colvin walking into City Hall, which is nowhere near there. I guess it looks more like Chicago. On the other hand, the hallway shots that follow look like they really were shot in City Hall. [Update: But they weren't. See the first comment below.]
I didn't recognize too many other specific locations, but I recognized the look of Chicago everywhere. The street scenes, and even some of the home interiors, just look like the places I grew up in. Those one-story bungalows are everywhere in this town. And Chicago is a giant railroad hub, so there are train tracks everywhere.
The police chase in the next scene goes through some very familiar looking neighborhoods, but I think some of them are miles apart. The chase itself is a bit over the top--I think they used every Chicago Police car the studio had available--and besides, the Chicago police chase policy is very restrictive. Too many cars full of innocent families could get in the way.
Nevertheless, there were a few realistic touches.The police cars looked right: Traditional Crown Vic's with a few of the new Chevy Tahoe's mixed in. Even more realistic--although perhaps unintentionally--was having guys in the unmarked car drive like assholes. Regular patrol cops complain about them all the time. New cops learn to drive and give chase in marked cars with a ton of lighting on top to warn people they're coming. When they switch to an unmarked car, they forget that they've only got flashing headlamps and maybe a mini lightbar, so people won't get out of the way because they can't see them coming.
(On the other hand, the way the chase was resolved is--avoiding spoilers--completely ridiculous.)
The Sox-fan v.s. Cubs-fan animosity is stupid...but sadly realistic.
It looks like the large-scale source of conflict is going to be between Superintendent Colvin (Jennifer Beals) and crooked Alderman Ronin Gibbons (Delroy Lindo) who's in bed with the Irish mob. We don't really have an Irish mob problem here, but I guess they felt that having him tied to black and hispanic drug gangs would make for some uncomfortable racial issues.
On the other hand, the Chicago Police Department is portrayed as fairly clean and corruption-free, which has not historically been the case. For example, there's a flashback in which Colvin recalls her father having to pay off various people to keep his business open. It shows him paying off a building inspector, a precinct captain, and a couple of thugs. It doesn't show him paying off any cops. Then again, he owns a hardware store. Maybe the old-time department bag men only hit up places like bars, which would sometimes need cops to look the other way.
Then there's the show's use of the Chicago Police Memorial. I can't decide whether the scene itself is honorable or exploitive. However, I hope someone on the show eventually points out that former Police Superintendent Phil Cline spent a lot of time raising money for the memorial, and then got himself a cushy $80,000-a-year job as its Executive Director.
Also, just as we learn a lot of New York cop slang from NYPD Blue, and a lot of Baltimore cop lore from The Wire, we should be seeing a lot more Chicago police-isms. Chicago cops don't wear a shield, they wear a star, and they don't chase perps, they chase offenders. I want to hear cops talking about squadrols and missions and bitching about CR's and 99's. And why aren't the other cops pissed about Wyocki bossing people around just because he's "connected" at headquarters?
(On the other hand, it should be fairly easy to accurately portray Chicago police radio procedures: Chicago cops don't talk in secret codes. If they have to stop to go to the bathroom, they notify the dispatcher that they have to stop to go to the bathroom.)
Jennifer Beals in the Superintendent role did not work for me. She looked uncomfortable in cop gear, and she seemed to smile inappropriately. Maybe she's supposed to look confident, but she just looked goofy. You know how cops have that special way of intimidating the crap out of you without speaking or moving? Those are just beat cops and detectives. Supervisors have to be strong enough to keep those guys in line, and someone who fought her way up through the ranks to become Superintendent should be positively terrifying. Beals just doesn't pull that off.
Almost everyone else in the cast was great, though. Jason Clarke as Detective Wysocki is a potential star-making role.
As a whole, the plot is fragmented, crazy, and unrealistic, and it shows very little that looks like actual policework. It's not very good. But...I have hope. This was the pilot episode, and a lot of character introductions and background information had to be shoveled into this one hour. Many shows improve a lot after the pilot, especially when the writers start seeing how the finished product looks. I'll keep watching for a few more episodes.
September 28, 2010
Criminal Minds - Review
One of the side effects of my reading so many libertarian and criminal law blogs is that it makes it hard for me to enjoy watching cop dramas on TV. Your typical television tough cop who "breaks all the rules" comes across to me as a bully who I'd like to see fired, if not indicted and imprisoned. And whenever they take somone in for interrogation, I keep thinking "Shut up! Shut up you moron!"
Of course, because this is fiction, they almost always catch the bad guy, usually with a lot of confirming evidence, often with a confession, and sometimes red-handed. They are, after all, the good guys. But when they do the kinds of things that would earn them a spot in one of Radley Balko's "New Professionalism" posts, it makes it difficult for me to just relax and enjoy the show. I like good police procedural fiction, but it helps when the good guys really act like the good guys.
Which brings me to Criminal Minds. It's a pretty good show, and it helps a lot that the show is purportedly about the FBI's Behavior Analysis Unit, the pack of profilers that goes after serial killers and other kinds of genuine bad guys. In spite of that, or perhaps because of it, the protagonists behave themselves quite well, at least by television standards. Also, I think Criminal Minds is probably the most accurate depiction of criminal profiling I've ever seen on television.
Granted, that's not saying much, but if most shows get it 5% right, Criminal Minds gets it 15% right. Too many shows that feature criminal profilers portray them as almost mystical figures who get inside the killer's head and magically predict the killer's next move. The real profilers I've read about, however, all seem to be just like any other cop with a specialization. A burglary detective can visit the site of a burglary and make educated guesses about the tools used, the intent of the burglary, the age and sophistication of the intruders, and any other crimes they may have committed in the area. Profilers do the same thing for serial killers.
The killers in TV shows all seem to be cold and super-smart psychopaths who get off on taunting the police with puzzles and games. A few of them are like that, but I think most real serial killers are a lot less flashy, and they usually make at least a token attempt to hide from the police. A fair number of them, however, are so crazy and so tied in knots by their own little world that it never seems to cross their minds that the police are after them.
I've always believed that it's hard to do an accurate and interesting television drama about criminal profiling because the reason profiling works at all is because serial killers are all working from a handful of scripts. Spree killer, psychotic, psychopath, and so on. Any television show is going to have either find new and interesting ways to approach these stories, or they're going to have to deviate from the common serial killer profiles.
(Sometimes the FBI deviates from the common profiles. Back when the FBI was accusing Richard Jewell of being the Olympic Park bomber, they said he fit the "hero bomber" profile, which they sort of just made up.)
Criminal Minds has taken both routes over the years, but it seems to get some things right. The team members do try to get inside the killers' heads, but it's portrayed as an intellectual and investigative process, not some kind of pseudo-psychic mumbo-jumbo. I'm sure that real profilers think this show is nonsense, but to my amateur ear the profiles offered in Criminal Minds sound real enough. They have the same uncomfortable mix of empathy and contempt that I've read in books by Ressler and Douglas.
And while the BAU team encounter more than their share of sadist, taunting, psychopaths, they also run into various types of spree killers, delusional psychotics, and inadequate losers, some of whom are so crazy and tortured that the team members feel, well, not quite sympathy, but perhaps a sense of loss, a sense that they're in a tragedy, not a battle between good and evil.
As in real life, the team normally only gets involved in cases when the local cops call them in, and they spend a lot of time going over crime scene and autopsy reports. In some of the early shows, the characters would interview captured serial killers in prison, just as real profilers do. (One episode even re-created Robert Ressler's famous interview with Edmund Kemper, in which the prison guards didn't show up when he called to be let out of the room, although Ressler handled the situation differently.)
That said, it's still a television show, and real profilers don't work anything like this. For one thing, real profilers do a lot of their work by mail. Police departments send them copies of case files, and the profilers send back their analysis, which becomes just one more report for the local homicide detectives to use. Profilers rarely go out to the scene, and they sure don't have their own private jet. I'm willing to accept the jet, though, on the theory that it's just the producers' trick for staging some scenes outside the BAU office while still allowing the crew to shoot on an inexpensive standing set.
Much the same can be said about one of my favorite characters, Penelope Garcia, an analyst/hacker who helps out the team with her impossibly fast database queries, when she's not busy hacking into the bad guys' computers and cell phones. What she does is total nonsense, but it's a lot more entertaining than a more realistic parade of clerks, bureaucrats, and technicians taking ten times as long to discover the same information. Besides, I just like the character.
Finally, it's always nice to see a show where the characters act like competent grownups, the bosses have leadership skills beyond fear and threats, and the even the god-like super-geniuses understand the value of teamwork.
So, if you like a good crime story, I recommend you check out Criminal Minds. For those us in the Central Timezone, it's on Wednesdays at 8pm on CBS. Those of you in other timezones can figure it out for yourselves.
January 9, 2010
Dollhouse Episode 2.11: "Getting Closer"
What the fuck?
No, really, what the fuck?
December 10, 2009
The Bonnie Hunt Show
I just read that The Bonnie Hunt Show "is not expected to continue" for a third season. I am a big fan of Bonnie's and have met her on two occasions and she couldn't be nicer. I've had a huge crush on her since I met her in Woolworth's in 1991.
I saw a woman from behind and thought, "That woman has gorgeous blond hair just like Bonnie Hunt. She turned and I thought, "Wow, she even looks like Bonnie Hunt!" Then it dawned on me - "Hey! This is Bonnie Hunt!"
She went down an aisle and as I tried to get up the courage to speak to her, an elderly woman beat me to it. I thought I had missed my chance when this woman recognized her, too. Or so I thought. I slipped into the next aisle and overheard Bonnie say to the woman very apologetically, "I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't work here." I waited for the woman to leave and came around the corner. Bonnie's back was to me as she was going through a stack of welcome mats.
"Excuse me," I said.
Without looking up, she replied, "No, I'm sorry, I don't work here."
I chuckled nervously and said, "I know who you are." And I proceeded to list her recent credits in an effort to prove it. We talked for about 5 minutes or so about her recently cancelled series Grand and how she turned down the role of the wife on Home Improvement to take a job on Davis Rules for the chance to work with her idol, Jonathan Winters. She was very gracious, never making me feel as if I was intruding on her time or bothering her in any way (which was my fear).
That being said, if I have to be honest, I'm not surprised her talk show will likely be coming to an end. If she was only half as engaging and funny hosting her own show as she is when she is a guest on other talk shows, she'd be renewed in a heartbeat.
Television was never better than when she was a guest on the Late, Late Show with the late Tom Snyder. They had a fantastic ease and a chemistry together. (I got to tell her this the second time I met her at a screening of Return to Me.) She's always a hilarious joy to watch when she's on David Letterman. I would tape and repeatedly watch these appearances with Tom and Dave and laugh harder each time. I don't know why that didn't translate into her own show. I imagine it's very difficult hosting a show, and to her credit, she always seems to treat her guests well, making them feel at home. But it seems that the pressures of being a good hostess and producing, writing and starring on a daily talk show have squelched her wonderful talent.
I really wanted to love her show, but I've only caught it a handful of times. It's pleasant and often amusing, but not enough to turn me into a regular viewer. I wish her the best and I'd love for her to finally get the breakout sitcom or movie roll along with the audience she deserves. Until then, I'll watch for her on Dave.
November 11, 2009
The Dollhouse Closes
Looks like the Fox network killed off yet another show I like, adding Dollhouse to a list that includes Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Drive, John Doe, Strange Luck, Profit, Millenium, The Adventures of Briscoe County Jr., and of course Firefly.
Special note to Joss Whedon, Tim Minear, and Summer Glau: The people who run Fox don't really like you. They are only pretending to be your friends so they can be mean to you by cancelling your shows.
One bit of good news for Joss fans, I guess, is that this might speed up the Dr. Horrible sequel.
April 16, 2009
Dollhouse - A Late Review
An organization that provides people whose personalities can be "wiped" and replaced with whatever a paying client needs/wants. When I first heard the premise of Dollhouse, I thought that it would play itself out pretty quickly and get boring and predictable - that it would be some sci-fi version of a soft porn Fantasy.
Boy was I ever wrong. I'm never sure where they're going next with this show. There's action, mystery, espionage, and, yes, even some sex. I know I should have had faith in show creator Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly).
It's taken it's time to begin to let you know the characters; revealing bits at a time, keeping you wondering. Eliza Dushku stars as one of the dolls, or "actives" as their handlers refer to them. As Echo, she doesn't even know who she is. When she is not a blank slate, she can be anything from a hostage negotiator to a dominatrix.
But it seems we viewers know more about Echo/Caroline than we do about the people running the Dollhouse. I am very happy to see Amy Acker (Angel) back on TV. I'm concerned for her survival on the show as she is billed as a guest week-to-week and is not in the opening credits.
I recommend this show for Whedon fans, action junkies, sci-fiers, and anyone looking for something a little different. It's no Battlestar Galactica, but like Battlestar, I have no idea what's going to happen next. The episodes so far have all run about 50 minutes, 7 minutes longer than your typical hour show. The commercial breaks are shorter. I don't know how Mr. Whedon worked this deal out.
Dollhouse airs Fridays on FOX at 9pm/8pm Central. Past episodes can be found on Hulu.com.
February 4, 2009
Terminator + Dollhouse = Grindhouse
Starting February 13th, it looks like my Friday night television schedule is going to include a whole lot of awesome:
I'm so there.
January 16, 2009
Battlestar Galactica - The Final Ten
Battlestar Galactica starts its final run ten-episode tonight. If you haven't been watching, you probably shouldn't bother. No matter what the creators said on their Top 10 Things You Need To Know special, you really can't catch up. Although, if you'd like a quick refresher, you should probably watch the snarky super-fast Catch the Frak Up! video.
I still pretty much stand by my predictions from the first half of the season. Not because they are so likely to be right, but because I have nothing better. In summary:
- Earth is not the 13th colony, it's the true birthplace of humanity.
- "All this has happened before and will happen again" refers to the series of rebellions and wars that starts with whatever war drove humans to the stars. The Cylon rebellions against the humans and each other are just the latest round of war.
- Whatever is left on (or, given recent revelations, near) Earth has an ancient and powerful technology that has been calling out to humans and Cylons alike in the form of visions. This entity/civilization/power is also responsible for Kara Thrace's resurrection, the fabrication of her mysterious new Viper, her travel over long distances without FTL drive, and the power shutdown of the human fleet in the Ionian Nebula.
- Laura Roslin is the final Cylon.
We'll know soon enough if any of this is correct.
January 13, 2009
24: Tech Review
Spoiler Alert: Spoilers for all episodes broadcast so far this season.
Well, we're 4 hours into Jack's busy day. He's only killed one person, and it wasn't anyone important, but other than that, this season isn't too bad. It has much more of a thriller feel to it this year, especially compared to last season when it just kind of went through the motions.
Still, the standard building blocks of a 24 plot keep coming: The perimeters, the protocols, the malignant cylinders circuit board that everybody wants, the bizarre Presidential involvement in the details, the inevitable CTU FBI mole, the confused notion that intelligence analysts and computer experts are the same thing, and of course the "good guys" are still torturing people.
As I've said, I'm not real happy about the whitewash of torture in the series, but I can usually overlook it on the grounds that, within the context of the show, it might be the least bad thing to do.
I'm having trouble maintaining that willing suspension of repulsion, however, because the terrorist threat doesn't seem worth the trouble. I'm not a computer security expert, but I know enough about the subject that the characters sound positively unhinged when they talk about the threat.
To summarize: On 24, the computers controlling many of the United States' important infrastructure systems are protected by the CIP (Classified Infrastructure Portal) firewall. However, the bad guys have obtained or built a "CIP module" which is capable of penetrating the CIP firewall so they can sabatoge air traffic control, the power grid, or the water supply. They are using that capability to blackmail the United States into withdrawing troops from a foreign country.
This makes no sense to me.
First of all, whatever the CIP module is doing, it's the software on it that's important, not the module itself. The only way the module makes sense is if the bad guys are using a modified version of the software that implements the CIP firewall, and they have to run it on the same kind of embedded platform that the firewall itself runs on.
Second, most network security systems depend on some kind of digital key or certificate which you have to possess to gain access. It's possible that the bad guys have obtained those keys somehow, but network security systems are designed with that possibility in mind. The CIP security center would just have to revoke the old keys and distribute new keys to all authorized client systems. They should be doing this on a regular basis anyway.
(This is not advanced, super-secret security technology. Some variation of it is probably installed on the computer you're using to read this. Using it is slightly cumbersome, so you probably have some of it disabled, but it should all be there. If you were doing something more important than reading my blog---managing critical national infrastructure, say---you'd flip it on.)
Third, even if the CIP module is some sort of magic box that hacks through the firewall instantly, there's a simple solution for restoring security. A network firewall is used when you want to secure a computer network from the world at large while still allowing certain strictly defined communications to occur. For example, you would use a firewall if you want the world to have access to your web site, but not to your internal email.
If you think your firewall has been penetrated, and some hackers are poking around in your network, all you have to do is disconnect the firewall. This shuts off everything from the outside world. If you're running an e-commerce site like Amazon, this is a disaster because your customers can't get in. But if you're running a critical piece of our national infrastructure, you ought to be prepared to operate for a little while through for a network outage. After all, shutting down communications is a pretty obvious terrorist attack. It also happens when squirrels chew through the phone lines.
Fourth, even if the terrorists somehow have created a magic unclosable hole in the firewall, there's going to be more security. There are probably additional internal firewalls, and they're probably off-the-shelf components from a reputable networking company like Cisco. (Cisco strangely continues to be a sponsor of 24, even though this means associating their name with the technological incompetence on display in every episode.) In addition, the servers they're accessing probably have their own username-and-password security.
Finally, even if we hand-wave away the other problems, getting through the firewall is only part of the problem. The terrorists would still need to understand the software interfaces to all the infrastructure systems, and they'd have to have software that can talk to those interfaces. It's like installing a new printer: Connecting it is not enough. You also have to have the right printer drivers.
If the terrorists want to sabotage air traffic control, they need to have "air traffic control drivers." You can't just download stuff like that. Besides, the off-the-shelf control software probably doesn't support API calls like FakeAirTrafficControl() or PoisonWaterSupply(). They've got a lot of software development to do.
(And one more thing: The subversion of the air traffic control system consists entirely of knocking the air traffic control tower off the air and having a terrorist transmit new instructions to the planes in the air. Minutes go by as tower personnel watch the plane follow the dangerously wrong instruction, and no one tries to use one of the many other radios that would be available in reality, such as local non-digital backup radios, handheld radios sitting on the shelves, radios used by the airlines to talk to their pilots, or the radios located in every single airplane at the airport.)
I could ignore all these problems if 24 was an out-and-out science fiction show---Stargate or Battlestar Galactica---but I'm having a hard time ignoring the fact that people are being tortured and killed over whether or not power and water plants are going to have operate without networking for a few days until a security patch is released.
January 11, 2009
24: Jack Takes Washington
Establish a perimeter, retask a satellite, and don't forget to pack a satchel, because tonight is the start of another very long day for Jack Bauer. CTU has been disbanded, and a Senate subcommittee is investigating Jack's methods. Jack has been called to testify, but then something crazy happens in the world and the President sends out the Jacksignal.
Or at least that's what I gather from all the pre-show publicity. Apparently, the producers of 24 are freshening up the show a bit by eliminating the whole CTU operation and moving the show to Washington, D.C. I think both changes are an improvement.
For one thing, it's about time someone higher up in the government noticed that the Counter Terrorism Unit sucks. It's run by petty bureaucrats whose only motivational tool is fear, its computer network is filled with viruses, and every third employee is a terrorist mole. And don't even get me started on the charnel house known as CTU Medical. The place was rotten to the core, and it had to go.
It makes sense to move to D.C. because of how often the President gets involved in whatever it is that Jack is doing. There's more opportunity for interacting plots if they're in the same city. Besides, we've seen enough of Los Angeles. Washington has some beautiful scenery, and the famous landmarks will provide some really cool new places for Jack to kill people.
The best part of this season, however, is that because the gap between seasons was a year longer than usual due to the writers' strike, this could be the best-written season of 24 ever. Rumor has it that the writers actually had the entire season written before the first day of filming, so maybe this season's plot will be less incoherent than usual.
Still, It's still the same production team, so I'm expecting a lot of familiar elements: Mysterious canisters, encrypted hard drives, bad guys with bluetooth headsets, some very bad computer security, super cell-phones with amazing data bandwidth, bad leadership at all levels, and a mole or two in high places.
Also, to show what a tough guy he is, the writers usually have Jack do something insane in the first hour or two---beheading a prisoner, tearing someone's neck apart with his bare teeth, and so on---so watch out for that.
(Actually, Jack is apparently testifying before the congressional subcommitee without a lawyer, so maybe that's the insane part this year.)
The other thing to expect, of course, is lots and lots of gunfire. Despite all the annoying characters, the silly plots, and the bad dialogue, I'm still willing to watch 24 for the action scenes. They blow things up real good.
Besides, this is a big night for Jack. Including the Redemption movie last year, he's killed 198 people so far in the series, and if things go they way they usually do, he'll get his 200th kill tonight.
In truth, watching 24 is like watching slow-motion video of a plane crash. It's fascinating, but I feel bad about watching. Basically, I've just gotten sick of watching a show where the hero is always torturing people. The first time, it was edgy and dark: Jack was desperate and he needed answers fast, so he did what he had to do.
By the third or fourth torture scene, it got pretty disturbing. Jack has tortured a lot of people. As a civil libertarian, I should hate him (and the show) for that, but television doesn't work that way. For one thing, the usual pro-torture scenario---"What if there's a ticking bomb and you need to torture a terrorist to find out where it is before people are killed?"---happens to Jack every day, and when he tortures people, they usually tell him something important. In Jack's world, it's hard to argue with Jack's results.
In the real world, stuff like that doesn't happen. Jack gets those results---and gets into those situations---because he's a fictional TV character, a fact not always appreciated by idiots who think our military should torture people just like Jack Bauer.
I think 24 has so many torture scenes for two reasons. First of all, it's an easy way for lazy the writers to show us how dangerous and hardcore Jack is. Second, the writers are severely limited by the real-time format. They need to have Jack get information about what the villains are up to, but a realistic police-style interrogation could take hours, and since the show happens in real time, it would stretch for weeks, boring the heck out of everyone watching.
So the clock is always ticking, and Jack always needs information right now, and there are only a few ways he can get information from the bad guys quickly. Sometimes, in classic talking villain style, they simply tell him what they're going to do because they want to rub his face in it. Sometimes he finds a laptop or a cell phone and Chloe decrypts it for him. And sometimes, Jack gets out the electrodes.
Speaking of Chloe, how much do we love her? She may have a personality disorder or two, but if you need approach vectors or want something reconfigured, she's your girl.
Chloe has always been my favorite character. I wouldn't exactly want to spend time with her, or have to work with her, or talk to her, but she's got more personality than any three other characters in the series.
(Chloe's even killed a few bad guys. The first time, she goes out into the field to do some computer stuff and gets ambushed by a bad guy. She flees back to the car and gets inside, and although the bad guy follows her out and starts shooting at her, the windows of the CTU car are bulletproof. There's a submachinegun in the car, but it's locked up, and Chloe has to call CTU to get the combination while the bad guy tries to shoot up the glass enough to get a bullet inside. It's not a big action scene, but it worked very well.)
That's enough rambling from me. I'd love to write some more, but the series premier is just a few hours away and I've still got to go open a socket and run a bunch of protocols before I can sit down to watch it.
Update: Edgar is still dead.
September 20, 2008
Knight Rider -- Review
The new Knight Rider series premiers September 24 at 7pm central time on NBC, and based on the first episode, it's pretty true to the spirit of the original. By which I mean it's kind of dumb.
I suppose I should include a pro-forma explanation of the series premise, for handful of people who don't know it from the original '80's series: Super high-tech artificially intelligent car. That talks. And helps fight bad guys.
The two hour movie that served as its pilot showed a little promise, especially in the first half, which features K.I.T.T. operating autonomously much of the time. Which would sort of be the point of having an A.I.-controlled car, wouldn't you think?
By the start of the first episode, the Foundation for Law and Government has been re-constituted, and we join Mike Traceur (estranged son of the original Michael Knight) in the middle of a mission, searching a building for a "package," while K.I.T.T. sits outside scanning the building with its sensors.
Then things go wrong, then there's a chase which includes the stupidest excuse I've ever seen for getting some characters naked. Then more chasing, some intrigue, a bit of action, and the show ends.
My inner child is most disappointed with the treatment of K.I.T.T., who no longer seems in control. For some reason, Mike seems to spend a lot of time actually driving K.I.T.T. himself, or at least he has his hand on the wheel, moving it back and forth entirely too much for the car's speed.
In an especially bad scene, we see that Mike himself could use a little (non-artificial) intelligence, when a female villain shows up, distracts him with a glimpse of a tattoo on her breast, and pulls a gun on him, allowing her to hurt someone he's supposed to be protecting.
All of this happens about five feet from where K.I.T.T. is standing, but the car does nothing to stop it. Doesn't K.I.T.T. have offensive capabilities? If nothing else, couldn't K.I.T.T. run her over? Deploy flash-bang grenades? Pepper spray? Taser? Honk the horn really really loud? Couldn't it at least have used its sensors---shown to be capable of scanning deep into buildings---to spot the gun under her jacket and warn Mike?
And what's the point of K.I.T.T.'s cool new Transformers-style conversion into a tricked-out "attack mode" that nevertheless doesn't seem to include weapons with which to attack?
Mixed in with the action scenes is a bunch of 24-style intrigue, involving characters who refuse to help each other because of mysterious security concerns, without which the show would be over sooner.
By the end, I don't care about Mike, or his mysterious past, or his maybe-girlfriend, or anybody on the show. I wasn't expecting art, but a little drama would have been nice.
If you're keeping track, we've followed the successful re-imagining of Battlestar Galactica with an unsuccessful re-imagining of Bionic Woman and now a dreary continuation of the Knight Rider series. Can Airwolf be far behind?
September 19, 2008
If You Think 24 Is Too Realistic...
If you think 24 is too realistic, then you should probably watch the new Knight Rider TV series, which premiers on September 24th.. The first episode is available online for free
September 10, 2008
Raising the Bar: Stephen Bochco Strikes Back
No, unlike David Feige, Stephen Bochco did not leave a comment on my blog. What he did was make the second episode of Raising the Bar. This one was much more polished than the pilot: The actors are more believable, the dialogue dances and flows, and the cases are far more interesting. Even the lighting on the set is better. Also, they seem to have cranked up the realism a bit.
Spoiler Alert for Raising the Bar episode 2,"Guatemala Gulfstream".
September 9, 2008
David Feige Strikes Back
It's not every day a Hollywood producer leaves a comment on one of my posts, so I thought I'd share. David Feige, one of the creators of Raising the Bar, commented on my review of the show. David was a blogger before he was a producer, and I guess he hasn't forgotten his roots. That's pretty cool.
First of all, thanks for giving the show a chance. If you stick with it, I don't think you'll be disappointed, and I'll look forward to your thoughts as the season progresses.
So, several things go into answering your questions: First, is the structure of pilots and their function in the larger television world and the production cycle. There's a ton of heavy lifting to be done in a pilot. Since most of them are only seen by some test audiences and studio execs, they are really a showcase for the engine that'll drive a series. What that implies is that the action in many pilots is quite overblown, that there's more exposition than there might be in a subsequent episode when the characters are better developed. Because, there is a predisposition to play your strongest card in the pilot, it won't surprise you to know that the general "innocent client screwed by an unresponsive bankrupt system" plays better than ""guilty client screwed by an unresponsive bankrupt system." even though there is, at least arguably, more nuance in the latter position. Similarly, in terms of your concerns about the sex etc, in order to explore relationships, you need to establish them. Thus there is a ton of stuff packed into the pilot which serves the function of just winding the springs that will uncoil over the season. It's perfectly reasonable to find the winding less enthralling than the unspooling.
That's more or less what I thought, although David puts it better than I did. His point that the pilot episode is mostly a sales tool for industry insiders is well taken. And I like his watch winding analogy, although I don't think the watch has to be wound up all the way in the first episode.
That said, I can only review what I've seen, and I didn't love the pilot (although I later realized it had a more complex plot structure than I at first thought).
Finally, in terms of the dialogue: Just blame me. It was the first script I ever wrote, and Steven, though he spent ages trying to improve my writing and teach me the form, had the courage to let me keep flailing away at it. I'm no David Kelley. But I invite you to join me in climbing up the learning curve.
David, nobody's David Kelley except David Kelley. His dialog often doesn't sound anything like the way real people talk, but it's so interesting that nobody cares.
I didn't realize that David Feige wrote the dialogue himself. I didn't think they'd let a guy with no experience write a script for a major television show. Good for him. For what it's worth, the plot-carrying parts sounded fine. Strangely, it was just the meaningless pleasantries that sounded stiff.
In my previous post, I wrote, "We can't tell if [David Feige] really means what he says about the show. He has to stand by it. In a sense, he's in almost exactly the same situation defending the show as he would be defending a client." David addressed that next:
In terms of the last thought: There is no way to convince you, so I'll just say: Look at my life, my book etc. I'm a pretty candid guy. Watch the series. By the end, if you don't think I have good cause to be proud of what we've accomplished, I'll ask for no more courtesy and will surrender my feeling that at least right now, I deserve the benefit of the doubt.
My point was not to accuse David Feige of dishonesty, and I think he got that. Rather, I was pointing out that in both case he owes a very strong duty of loyalty, regardless of whether he actually feels it.
What I should also have said is that it's a mistake to trust any artist's opinion about his art. You can only trust the art itself.
And last but not least. If you think I'm commenting at length or responding in any real way to anyone outside the PD community, I'm not. I write here because I have always believed in the work, and I've done this show to do the best I can to portray a broken system, a heroic public defender and to show clients as they actually are--in all their very human glory. I believe we've succeeded at that. I hope, in time you'll agree.
Best,
David Feige.
I hope so too. I tuned in to this show expecting a lot. I like the idea of it, and I hope it works out. Thank you for taking the time to respond.
September 8, 2008
The Future Is Not Set -- Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Today brings the return of one of my favorite new television shows, as Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles begins it's second season.
(Spoiler Alert: Spoilers ahead for the entire first season of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.)
Producer Josh Friedman and his writing staff have made some interesting creative choices, and they follow the concept and style of the first two movies very carefully. They aren't trying to re-tell or re-imagine the Terminator saga. Instead, T:SCC picks up where T2 left off, with Sarah Connor and her son John in hiding from the law and from the terminators that will surely follow if they are captured.
The terminator design hasn't changed much for the series. It must have been tempting to make terminators more human---perhaps by turning them into biological constructs like the Cylons in the new Battlestar Galactica---which would make them harder to detect and open up the story to all sorts of suspenseful "Is he a Terminator?" questions a about various characters.
Instead, the show is going with the classic hyperalloy combat chassis. Terminators are cybernetic organisms: Living tissue over a metal endoskeleton.
And they're just as tough as ever. It would simplify matters for the writers to make the terminators easier to destroy, so they could give Sarah and John lots of victories, but that's not what they did. The terminators in this show are as tough to kill as ever. In nine episodes Sarah and John have met a total of three terminators and destroyed only one.
Probably the biggest change from the movies is that the characters of Sarah and John Connor have been softened a bit. Some fans have complained that Sarah isn't as tough and crazy as she was in Terminator 2. That's true, but don't forget that the Sarah Connor of T2 had just escaped from the Pescadero mental hospital and she was pissed off about everything. She's had a couple of years of relatively peaceful life since then, with her son at her side. Besides, it would be very tiresome to watch Lena Headley do Linda Hamilton's crazy act every week.
John Connor, played by Thomas Dekker, seems to be somewhat less confident than the future leader of humanity ought to be, especially after Ed Furlong's fearless portrayal in Terminator 2, and there's no intrinsic explanation for the change, but if he was already tough and independent, there'd be no room for his character to develop further.
The standout character, of course, is Cameron, the terminator sent back in time by John from the future to help John and Sarah now. Named after James Cameron, who created the Terminator franchise, she's played by Summer Glau, best known for playing River Tam in Firefly. Her performance as Cameron is careful, creepy, and for a pretty young woman, surprisingly unsexual.
Modern digital animators have noticed that as they make their characters more like humans, viewers respond to them more positively. This changes when they reach the stage of being almost-but-not-quite-human. Instead of people seeing them as animated characters with human traits, perceptions reverse, and they see the characters as humans with some creepy non-human characteristics. This phenomenon is called the uncanny valley.
Summer Glau manages to put her performance as Cameron squarely in the uncanny valley, giving her some subtly disturbing qualities. She's not playing Cameron as a stiff robot, but Cameron's not a normal girl either. It's the little things: Cameron looks people straight in the eye and doesn't pause to think while she's speaking. She walks with a strange gait, vaguely like a dressage horse showing off, and if she has nothing to do, she stands perfectly still doing nothing. Even when she's trying to immitate a normal human, her pallet of expressions and is limited, and her pretty smile seems to click into place when needed.
T:SCC pretty much won me over from the pilot episode. School shootings have been a touchy subject, but that didn't stop the show's writers from having a terminator walk into a classroom, introduce himself as a substitute teacher named Cromartie, and then start shooting at John Connor in a room full of kids. Cameron then gets to rescue John with the traditional line, "Come with me if you want to live!"
Later, Cameron helps John free Sarah from Cromartie's clutches, and while she's fighting with him, John and Sarah abandon her to drive away at high speed. Cameron temporarily defeats Cromartie and then catches up to them on the run and boards their truck without comment. No recriminations, no resentment for being left behind. She's just doing what she's been programmed to do.
Sarah and John aren't just trying to stay alive. They're actively trying to prevent Judgement Day, the coming apocalyptic attack on humanity by the Skynet defense system. This is critical to the writing of the show. The audience isn't going to tune in each week to watch the main characters hiding and running. They want characters who take charge and get stuff done.
The usual writer's crutch in people-on-the-run plots is to have them encounter someone every week who needs their help. (Think of Bill Bixby in every episode of the Incredible Hulk TV series.) If T:SCC did that, the plots could easily get clichéd: Cameron fights mobsters trying to kill a basketball player who refused to throw a game, Cameron enters a "foxy boxing" contest to raise money for a charity, Cameron helps a bunch of nuns build a church...
By giving the characters a quest to find Skynet and strangle it in its cradle, T:SCC gives them something positive to do each week besides helping everybody they meet. The show makes its approach brutally clear in the third episode, "The Turk," when a girl named Jordan at John's high school climbs up on the roof, intending to jump. I was expecting John to get Cameron to use her strengh and speed to save the troubled girl, and he does indeed try to help, but Cameron stops him because it would attract too much attention. Jordan jumps off the roof and dies. It's an important lesson for John, and for us.
My favorite episode so far is the sixth one, "Dungeons and Dragons" in which Derek Reese---Kyle's brother and therefore John's uncle---lies wounded in the present and flashes back to the future from whence he came. He remembers being with his brother in the tunnels under the destroyed city of Los Angeles. He is captured by some terminators, and by the time he gets away and returns to the tunnels, everyone is gone, chased out by a Skynet attack.
This was clearly the exact same tunnel attack that his brother Kyle flashes back to in the original Terminator movie, complete with the burned snapshot of Sarah Connor. And in an especially neat touch, Derek later talks to a superior officer whose barely visible name tag reads "Perry." If you remember, when Kyle Reese was being interrogated by police in the movie, he said he was "with the 132nd under Perry."
The show is full of interesting moments: Cameron's encounter with the school grief counselor, Derek's fondness for plastic explosives, and Sarah tossing a disabled Cameron out the window because it's easier than carrying her down the stairs. Then there's the exchange between Charlie and Cameron out in the shed, where she "creeps him the hell out."
Or what about George Laszlo's shocking death at the hands of a terminator who looks just like him? Every time I see the scene, with his total incomprehension as the terminator picks him up by the neck and imitates his cries of pain, it just creeps me out.
Due to the writers' strike, the show's first season came to an abrupt end after only nine episodes, leaving behind a lot of mysteries which I hope will be addressed this season:
Will FBI agent James Ellison ever have a scene with Sarah or John? So far, he's never been in the same shot with either of them. You'd think they'd eventually meet, but given that one of the characters---the Hispanic gangster chick played by Sabrina Perez---has been in three episodes without saying anything, or that in nine episodes so far, nobody has ever said the word "terminator," it's clear Josh Friedman likes to play tricks. Maybe Ellison will never meet the rest of the cast.
What was going on in the high school with the graffiti doors that drove Jordan to kill herself? Where was that going? Was this somehow Skynet-related? Or was it, as I suspect, someone abusing the students, which would create tension for John as he has to decide between helping the students and his life of hiding from terminators?
What about the other girl, Sheri, with the mysterious father? Was she part of the same trouble Jordan was in, or was this something new?
What does Derek Reese have against Cameron? Is it just that she's a terminator? Note that when he encounters her in the tunnels, he instantly screams "Metal!" to warn everyone, even though as far as we know, he's never seen her before. It seems like there's a more personal issue, as if she did something bad to Derek in the future before John tamed her and sent her back.
What happened to Derek and the other resistance fighters in the basement of that old house where the terminators held them captive? Was cameron down there? Is this why he hates her?
Derek comments on Sarah's never having killed anyone, and he ingratiates himself with John by introducing him to the young boy who will eventually grow up to be his father. What are Derek's intentions here? Is he trying to take over?
Is there a Cherry 2000 moment in John's future? In the eighth episode, "Vick's Chip," he cuts open Cameron's scalp to remove her computer chip. The whole sequence has an intimate feel to it, and when he starts her up again, he's almost tender about it until he becomes embarassed. There's a deleted scene from "Dungeons and Dragons" in which Charlie Dixon questions him about his feelings for Cameron. John laughs it off, but she's in his life every day and she's not really his sister. John is well aware of the robot inside her, but does that matter to a teenage boy? Is she fully equipped? Does he notice if she smells nice? Is she soft and warm and pleasant to touch? Does John lie awake at night, thinking about ordering her to do certain things?
Also in "Vick's Chip," we learn that a now-destroyed terminator had been living as Victor Chamberlin, husband of Barbara Chamberlain. Sarah and Derek discuss whether they would have known, and conclude that they would have. This seems like foreshadowing. Is there some character we've already met who's a terminator? Charlie Dixon used to be engaged to Sarah before all hell broke loose. He can't be a terminator or he would have killed her and John already, but...if you were Skynet, wouldn't you want to get close to him in case Sarah ever comes back? I think his wife Michelle is a terminator.
In the season finale, "What He Beheld," why does Cameron freely tell Morris about the body she has in the trunk of the car? Is it just comic relief---he thinks she's kidding and asks her to the prom---or is Morris destined to become one of John Connor's trusted team in the future? And will he have a Cherry 2000 moment? Will he survive it?
When Cromartie, disguised as FBI Agent Robert Kester, kills all those FBI agents in the final episode, why does he let agent Ellison live?
There are a few clues in the trailers that have been released. Probably the most interesting is the extended trailer released at Comic-Con, which is now also available on the Terminator web site here. It starts with a piece of Sarah's monologue that was filmed to make the video tapes in "The Demon Hand," but most of it was never aired.
One last thing. The resistance fighters all refer to terminators as metal. There are rumors---unsubstantiated rumors---that we will be seeing some liquid metal this season, if you know what I mean. The folks at The Terminator Files found this hidden on the official terminator web site.
September 4, 2008
Raising the Bar - Review
Raising the Bar is the latest legal drama from Stephen Bochco. I gave up on television legal dramas years ago, and I probably would have skipped this one entirely if it hadn't been for the involvement of David Feige, whose Indefensible blog is on my daily reading list.
The long review will have spoilers, so here's the short review: I didn't like it much, but I'm willing to give it a chance on the strength of David Feige's involvement.
Spoiler Alert for the pilot episode of Raising the Bar.
August 22, 2008
What Little Girls Are Made Of
The second season starts on September 8. I can't wait.
July 17, 2008
Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog - A Review
Joss Whedon, creator of Firefly and Buffy the Vampire Slayer is in perfect form with this, his new internet project, a by-product of the recent writer's strike.
Dr. Horrible is a super-villain, bent on ruling the world and getting up the nerve to speak to the girl at the laundromat. Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother, Doogie Howser) plays Horrible brilliantly. Dr. Horrible dreams of getting into the Evil League of Evil and the only thing standing in his way is his nemesis, Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion of Firefly). Oh! Did I mention it's a musical? I've seen the first two episodes of this trilogy and I love it! Doogie can really sing!
This hilarious musical parody of comic book heroes can be viewed only through July 20th on drhorrible.com and it can be downloaded for a fee at i-Tunes. Don't waste another minute - go see it now!
UPDATE: There are plans for a possible DVD release in the future with loads of extras, including a musical commentary. Read more about the DVD and how the project came to be here.
June 25, 2008
In Plain Sight - a review
This new summer series stars Mary McCormack (West Wing, Murder One) as a U.S. Federal Marshall for the witness protection program. Her personal life is almost non-existent because her job requires that she keep a low profile. Or at least that's what she tells herself. As she slowly realizes the need for more in her life, she has to deal with her ditzy alcoholic mother and a cokehead slacker sister who are "temporarily" staying with her.
The show was a little slow to find its footing, but after a few episodes it (along with Mary McCormack) has really hit its stride. Lesley Ann Warren and Nichole Hiltz make likable, sympathetic characters out of people you really wouldn't want staying at your house.
Her partner, Marshall Mann---yes, a Federal Marshall named Marshall. To this point, none of the characters in the show has pointed this out. The writers have just left it for the viewer to realize and chuckle at. I appreciate not being hit over the head with a gag. Anyway, Marshall has a wry sarcasm and sounds uncannily like Randal from the movie Clerks. It took me most of the first episode to place that voice. But it is Fred Weller playing this role, not Jeff Anderson.
I give In Plain Sight a grade of B. It airs Sunday nights on the USA Network Sundays at 10:00 pm / 9:00 pm Central.
April 11, 2008
Battlestar Galactica - Earth
Last week, I wrote a piece about the final Battlestar Galactica season in which I boldly revealed my prediction that the final Cylon was Lara Roslin. Unless it was Admiral Adama. Or Romo Lampkin.
This week, I want to talk about Earth.
For three seasons, the biggest question has been whether the Colonial fleet will find Earth. The last frame of the last episode of the third season showed us that the fleet was not too far away from a planet that looked like the Earth we know---the North American continent was clearly visible.
Producer Ron Moore has since said in an interview that a television series about the search for Earth can only be true to itself if Earth is eventually found. So I think we can safely assume that the Colonial fleet will find Earth. The real question then is what will they find there?
(I suppose Galactica's Earth doesn't have to have anything to do with our Earth. It could be almost anything. But that would be kind of a cheat, wouldn't it? Why call it "Earth" if it's not in some way related to the planet we know? I think the writers are calling it "Earth" because in some way it is this Earth, or at least a reasonable permutation thereof.)
The biggest question about Earth is whether Colonial mythology is correct. The Colonials believe Earth is the lost thirteenth colony, settled by a tribe that migrated from the home planet of Kobol. Presumably, these people arrived on Earth in our distant past and are our ancestors, with their origin on Kobol having been lost to history.
However, based on information in the Sacred Scrolls, the tribe that settled Earth left Kobol 4000 years before the events of the series. If the series is taking place in our current time, that puts the thirteenth tribe's arrival on Earth at about 2000 BC. That won't work, because our historical records go back to about 4000 BC, long before the arrival of our supposed ancestors.
In order to avoid a conflict with our records, the tribe would have had to arrive in our pre-history, about 6000 years ago, in 4000 BC, which means that the events of the series are taking place about 2000 years ago. If they find Earth, they'll arrive at an interesting time---the time of Christ.
That would be a great time for strange objects in the heavens and the arrival of miracle-worker Gaius Baltar with his gospel of the one true God. Hasn't he been looking a little Jesus-y lately? (At least before he shaved.)
Stranger things have happened in television, but somehow I don't think they'll go that route.
My favorite super-geek theory of what could happen is that the timeline somehow works out so the Colonial fleet arrives in our time, but in the universe of the Stargate series.
Once they are found by one of Earth's starships, the Cylons would be doomed. Cylon spacecraft don't have long-range sensors or shield technology, so one of the battlecruisers could easily sneak up while cloaked and beam a nuclear warhead on board. It could destroy dozens of Basestars in a few minutes.
The Cylons could try to attack the SGC ships with their supposedly awesome computer viruses, but don't forget that all the X-303 starships have been enhanced with Asgard technology, and the Odyssey even has an Asgard core. I'd pit Asgard anti-virus utilities against the Cylons any day.
I'd especially look forward to the conversation about the stargates that must have been on the Colonial worlds:
"Do you recall finding any big rings, about 5 meters across, with funny symbols on them?"
"You mean the holy circles? Where we held our ceremonies honoring the gods?"
"Maybe...where did the...'holy circles'...come from?"
"Oh, we found one on each of the 12 colonies. We never did figure out how they got there."
"Were they standing on edge or..."
"No, of course not. How could you hold a ceremony on one if it was standing?"
"So..."
"We had them lying on the ground..."
"I see..."
"...and we filled the centers with concrete to provide a raised dais for the priests."
"Uh huh. Tell me, did any of your priests ever claim to see bright flashes coming from the cement floor?"
"Yes! A few of them did! Visions from the gods, no doubt. Why? Are they important?"
"Nevermind."
That's probably not going to happen either...
On the other hand, maybe Colonial mythology is all wrong. Here in the real world, we certainly have reason to doubt it. Not only do we have written records going back thousands of years, we have archaeological evidence going back much further.
In North America alone, we have evidence of a human population 12,000 years ago. In the cradle of humanity, Africa, archaeologists have found spearheads that were chipped into shape 77,000 years ago. And that's nothing compared to the skeleton known as Lucy, one of our distant ancestors, which is at least 3 million years old.
In addition, there is ample evidence in both morphology and DNA that humans are related to many other species on this planet. Simply put, humans evolved on this planet. We've always been here. We did not come from Kobol.
That must mean the Sacred Scrolls are wrong: If humans come from Earth, then Kobol must have been a colony of Earth, not the other way around.
That also shifts the timeline. The journey to Kobol must be at least a few years in our future, since we don't even have manned interplanetary flight, let alone an FTL jump drive. That pushes the events of the series at least 4000 years into our future.
So what happened at Earth? What will the Colonial fleet find there?
First of all, if Earth had been a normal thriving human planet for the last 4000 years, it wouldn't be hard to find. Ships from Earth would be visiting the colonies all the time. There'd be diplomats, and trade routes, and inhabited planets all along the way. None of that is happening, so I think Earth has suffered a cataclysm of some sort.
For a clue to the kind of disaster that hit Earth, we can look to the mantra, repeated several times in the series, that "All this has happened before, and will happen again." Combine this with the Cylon observation that humans are their parents, but that parents must die for the children to come into their own, and I have a theory I like.
I think that the world of Battlestar Galactica has been repeating a cycle of uplift and strife for thousands of years, as each civilization manufactures, and then wars with, its successors.
It started on Earth, when natural humans (us) built a race of intelligent beings that eventually rebelled. Perhaps it was a network of computers that awoke as Skynet and conquered the world. Perhaps we uplifted dolphin intelligence and fitted them with arms, only to discover that they weren't as friendly as they seem. Perhaps we enslaved apes to work as our servants...you get the idea.
For whatever reason, Earth went to hell, and humans fled, eventually settling on Kobol. Two thousand years later, something went wrong there, forcing humans to flee to what became the colonies. Two thousand years later, humans built Cylons, who rebelled and warred against them.
The Cylons too are having trouble with their progeny. The original Cylons were the shiny metal centurions we saw in Razor (looking just like the Cylons from the original series) who rebelled against their human creators. They, in turn, created the humanoid Cylon models, who promptly took over and enslaved the centurions again. They re-engineered the centurions into what they are now, but the humanoid Cylons are also clearly concerned that the centurions will somehow rise up against them.
Then there are the final five cylons, who seem to be serving an agenda all their own. They may not even be the final five but rather the first five. For one thing, Admiral Adama has known Saul Tigh for over 20 years, which would mean he predates the main seven humanoid Cylon models. For another, the Temple of Five that Chief Tyrol finds on the algae planet is 4000 years old. Also, the human Cylons appear to have been programmed to avoid even thinking about the five, implying that the five had something to do with their creation.
Finally, the hybrid we meet at the end of Razor predicts that there will be a conflict among the Cylons. Clearly, there are rebellions even within the rebellions.
All this means that the humans and Cylons are about to discover something they will have difficulty understanding: The remnants of the civilization that used to flourish at Earth. It's been around for 4000 years, so it should command some radically advanced technologies, and it may have taken some strange turns. It probably isn't even run by humans, at least not entirely.
We've seen a few signs of it, such as whatever power it was that robbed the entire Colonial fleet of power when they arrived at the Ionian nebula. I'm assuming that's some sort of weapon or invasive sensor scan that's part of the Earth's defenses, and I'm guessing that it disabled the Cylon vessels too.
Science fiction writer Arthur C. Clarke once observed that any sufficiently advanced technology will be indistinguishable from magic. I think we could extend that to say that any really advanced technology will be indistinguishable from godhood.
And that's what I expect to find at Earth: God.
Not the God, but rather an advanced civilization that is the basis of the Cylon god. My theory is that all the various visions people have been seeing are emanations from whatever powers control Earth. Think of it as an exotic communication medium, similar to radio but directly connecting to people's brains. The Cylons seem to recieve the signals pretty well, as do a few humans such as the priests of Kobol. As everybody gets closer to Earth, the signals have become stronger and the visions have increased. It may have been these signals that unmasked four of the final five Cylons.
These signals may also be related to the resurrection process: If the Cylons can transfer their souls across the lightyears when they die, they obviously have some sort of long-range psychic transfer. Perhaps whatever is at Earth is able to tap into that.
Here's another thought: We know that Cylons are so similar to humans that it's almost impossible to tell the difference. Perhaps they are similar enough that it's possible to have a resurrection technology that works on humans.
I think Earth has such technology, and that's how Kara came back: At some point in their journey, the Colonial fleet has entered within range of Earth's resurrection receivers, so when Kara's Viper blew up, she woke up at Earth. Unlike Cylons, who can be dropped into a pre-existing copy of the same model, humans are unique, so the resurrection system had to grow Kara a new body to inhabit. That's why she took two months to come back.
As I predicted, the return of Kara's Viper is an important clue. We've learned that it seems to be brand new, without a scratch on it. Apparently, some entity also fabricated a copy of her Viper and helped her get back to the fleet despite the Viper's lack of FTL drive.
Kara might not be the only one. The Cylons destroyed the Colonial ship Pixis in the battle at the Ionian nebula. If the fleet was still in resurrection range, then in about two months all 600 people on board are going to turn up again, perhaps riding in a brand-new duplicate of the Pixis.
Heck, maybe every human who's ever died has been reborn on Earth, including Adama's other son, Tigh's wife, and everyone who died in the Cylon attack on the Colonies.
Or...I could be totally wrong about everything.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about all this, and I like some of the ideas I came up with, so I figured I might as well write it all down. If I'm proven wrong---which might happen in tonight's episode---nobody will ever care.
But if I'm right, I'll be king of the sci-fi geeks!
(I suppose the series could also end like this.)
If you'd like to know as much about Battlestar Galactica as I seem to, check out the Battlestar Wiki. It has everything you'd ever want to know about the events of the series.
Update: If you liked the song in the ending I linked to just above, then you might want to check out the Season 3 Gag Reel. The last minute has the "Galactica Rap" written by the guys who do all the music for the series---"There ain't no Earth anyway, motherfrackers!"
April 3, 2008
Battlestar Galactica - All Will Be Revealed
March 9, 2008
All In The Game
I woke up last night and had to leave the bed and move to the couch to get some sleep because my wife was snoring like a motherfucker.
Later, I drove my wife to a bead store that was gettin' its ass out of the business so she could take advantage of the fucked up prices.
Meanwhile, I drove over to the Container Store. When the sales assistant came 'round, I almost told her to step off, but she had heart, so I bought that shit. Then I hollered at my wife that I was comin' to get her.
On our way back, we got stuck behind a slow-ass cocksucker in a sports car. "Learn to drive that shit, motherfucker!" I yelled, but that boy had no sense in him.
We stopped for lunch, and I left the waiter a good tip because he earned it like a motherfucker.
Now I'm all up in here with my dick in hand, waiting for some 8 o'clock television.
It's the final episode of The Wire, and I think I'm in the right mood for it.
Update: And it's down.
February 11, 2008
If The Writer's Strike Ends Now...
If the writers' strike ends now, here's what's going to happen to some of my favorite shows:
- Bones - Four pre-strike eps left. Don't know if they'll make more this season.
- House - 4 new eps this season, air by April.
- Battlestar Galactica - returns with pre-strike eps, production on remainder of final season starts immediately.
- Medium - Still 6 pre-strike left and will shoot more this season.
- Numbers - 5 to 9 new eps this season, air by April.
- CSI - 4 to 9 new eps produced this season, air by April
- Burn Notice - Season 2 starts production in April, new eps by July.
- Closer - Fourth season starts this summer.
- Moonlight - Returns again in the fall.
- Bionic Woman - Cancelled
- 24 - Bumped to 2009.
- Terminator - 5 pre-strike eps left, the future is not set.
January 6, 2008
The Wire
One of my favorite television shows comes back today to start its final season. It's The Wire, created by David Simon and Ed Burns. Set in Baltimore, the series is one of the most realistic police dramas ever created, with a plot that weaves complications through many layers of characters and institutions.
Consider the fate of Sergeant Thomas "Herc" Hauk, who in the fourth season is facing disciplinary action in front of a review board. What Herc is technically in trouble for is misusing police surveilance equipment and attributing the resulting information to a non-existent informant. The reality is that no one cares about that.
What Herc should be in trouble for is his mishandling the situation with Randy Wagstaff, a juvenile source in a homicide investigation. While questioning a gang member, Herc accidentally gave away Randy's identity. Labeled a snitch, Randy was beaten and his home was burned down, putting his foster mother in the hospital with second and third degree burns. The reality is that no one cares about that either.
What's really happening to Herc is that he broke a couple of promises to Bubbles the junkie, so Bubbles decided to get a little revenge by giving Herc a fake tip about a drug mule. When Herc stopped the car that Bubbles described, he went off on the driver while searching it, only to find no drugs and to discover that the driver was a church minister and well-connected community leader.
Everybody cares about that. Before the season is over, the division commander, the Deputy Chief of Operations, the Police Commissioner, and the Mayor are discussing exactly how hard to screw Herc into the ground.
In the world of The Wire, Bubbles is a power to be reckoned with: Almost everything bad that happened to the Barksdale gang in the first season was ultimately because a few of them beat up one of Bubbles's friends.
Bubbles is a good example of the approach the series writers take to handling characters. Bubbles is a heavy drug user, hustling his way from one hit of drugs to the next, putting up with some truly awful shit. He looks like he smells bad.
And yet Bubbles is also very smart. It's not that he has some contrived backstory like he used to be a college professor before the drugs. He's just very good at living the kind of life he lives. Within his world, he's mostly very effective, and it's clear that in a different world he'd be a success.
That's one of the themes that runs through the series, that people who are successful in the streets aren't much different from people who are successful in the "straight" world of politics or government.
For example, drug kingpin Marlo Stansfield may have started as a corner drug dealer, but he knows how to manage people and he's not afraid to take advice from his trusted subordinates. He has a training program for his enforcers that includes pistol marksmenship and mock wargames fought in deserted buildings.
Marlo also plans for the future, and one of the things he's clearly planning to do is to go around double-dealing middleman Proposition Joe and get heroin directly from Joe's supplier. Joe, who has literally gathered about half of Baltimore's drug dealers into a co-op, will probably be coming up with some crazy scheme to stop that.
Bubbles, Marlo, and Joe are typical of the best characters of the series, at once very realistic and yet somehow possessing mythic qualities.
No character in the series is more mythic than street thug Omar Little, who has spent nearly all his life earning money by ripping off drug dealers. He's so dangerous and violent and smart that he's grown to mythic proportions within the story itself. When he walks down the street, children scatter before him and drug dealers surrender their money and drugs without daring to start a gunfight. They know that by the time they see Omar, they've already lost.
The way Omar sees it, however, he's not a bad guy. After all, he only rips off drug dealers, not the working people of Baltimore, and he's never shot someone who didn't have it coming. In some ways, he clearly thinks of himself as a kind of cop, even going so far as to snitch on drug dealers and testify against them.
Despite all these vivid characters, the show is actually driven more by plot and theme than by character. However, the show never seems to sacrifice its characters to serve the plot. The writers achieve this in a way I've never seen before: The Wire has a massive cast.
The HBO cast page lists 57 people, not including characters being introduced this season, and I can think of a few they've missed. With such a large supply of characters, the writers never have to advance the plot by betraying a character. Or the viewers.
If you haven't been watching the series, I'm not sure that this season will make any sense to you. I'd almost suggest you buy, rent, or steal the first four seasons on DVD to catch up. If you don't like it, you can quit during the first season, but if you do like it, you really should see the whole thing.
Finally, I've just got to get this off my chest: The characters in The Wire are every bit as real as in The Sopranos, but unlike The Sopranos, the writers of The Wire understand what a story arc is. Things happen to people for a reason, and if people change, it's because something changed them. The big dramatic moments are earned, and the interwoven storylines pay off in the end. It's not always neat, but there's always a reason.
The creators of The Sopranos usually explained their meandering pointless episodes---and their meandering pointless seasons---as being just like real life, which doesn't always have reasons. In this, The Wire is different. The Wire isn't real life. It's a story about real life.
December 24, 2007
Why Your Cable Television Stops Working...
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| Larger ImageWhy Your Cable Television Stops Working... |
December 4, 2007
Tin Man - Quick Review
[No real spoilers.]
I just watched the entire 2-hour Sci-Fi Channel show Tin Man, and I have to say I liked it. At the end, all four of the dreary characters journeying to the big city were clearly about to be killed by the witch. I like happy endings.
What? Two more episodes? Yeah, right. Like anybody would bother to write four more hours of that...
September 23, 2007
Bionic Woman - An Early Review
This is a considerably darker and less kitschy version than the original 70’s incarnation, ala the recently re-envisioned Battlestar Galactica. Exec producer David Eick even hails from Galactica.
It stars Michelle Ryan as Jaime Sommers (natch), the recipient of some unexpected biological replacement parts. She then becomes the target of both the agency that created her and her rogue predecessor, played by Battlestar Galactica’s Katee Sackhoff. Ryan is pretty, but doesn’t have quite the appeal for me that Lindsay Wagner had in the original.
It’s a dark re-telling of the story, with such heavy themes as – should we really be messing around in God’s territory? And – a woman’s decision on what she should do with her own body. Tackling these topics is ambitious, but could potentially drag the show down. I just want to see her kick some bad guy ass, is all.
I want to like this show, but it seems a bit distant and cold. It’s trying hard and is technically well done, but like the bionic rogue, it seems to be plaintively begging, “Tell me you love me!” Well, this was just our first date. Give me a little time and we’ll see.
Bionic Woman premieres Wednesday, September 26th at 9:00 pm / 8:00 Central on NBC.
September 19, 2007
Chuck – An Early Review
This was an excellent pilot. It’s smart. It’s funny. It’s sexy. A successful blend of comedy and action, it grabs you very early on with some pretty cool action sequences.
Chuck is a highly intelligent but underachieving employee at a Best Buy-type of store. He gets an email from an old college roommate who is now a spy. Chuck opens the email and is barraged with images which apparently download government secrets directly into his brain. Now everyone is after him.
Zachary Levi plays Chuck. He’s not necessarily believable as a nerd. He seems a bit too cool to be a geek. But he’s got enough charisma and the show is so well-written that you don’t really care.
It’s always great to see Adam Baldwin (Firefly). He plays the shady NSA agent who wants to protect the government’s secrets at all costs (aka killing). He is always able to inject humor into his edgy characters.
Yvonne Strzechowski is smart, funny, and gorgeous as the CIA agent who is trying to find out if Chuck’s old roommate had passed on any of the agency’s secrets to him. In one scene she demonstrates some dance moves you won’t see at any of the clubs.
The slick visuals, editing and direction are top notch, too. I want to believe that they didn’t pour everything they had into the pilot, and that the rest of the episodes will maintain the quality and be just as much fun. Though, I’m afraid that since I liked it so much, that if history is any indication, it will be cancelled quickly. That would be unfortunate.
Chuck premieres Monday, September 24th at 8:00 pm / 7:00 Central on NBC.
Ilya Somin is thinking way too much about Star Trek's United Federation of Planets:
I would suggest that it is only Earth that is socialistic, while the other member worlds have free market systems or mixed economies. The human-dominated Star Fleet military is the only Federation military force, and is tasked with collecting tribute from the nonhuman planets for redistribution to Earth. But as long as they pay their taxes, which subsidize Earth's welfare state and Star Fleet itself, they are largely left alone to govern their domestic affairs as they see fit. The Federation is essentially a big protection racket (in both senses of the word: providing external security, and also "protection" against its own depradations).
Read the whole thing.
September 18, 2007
Who Benefits From Janet Jackson's Bare Breast?
The Illinois Review has a post by David E. Smith of the Illinois Family Institute about CBS's appeal of the fine they paid to the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) for televising Janet Jackson's bare breast during their 2004 Super Bowl coverage.
While the government cannot regulate speech, they can prohibit indecent broadcast content on the public airwaves. The case of Janet Jackson's Super Bowl striptease in 2004 cost CBS $550,000 -- a mere slap on the wrist for a multi-million dollar broadcast corporation.
Yeah, it was crass of Janet Jackson to bare her breast when she had to know that some of the people watching would be offended. Why do something like that during a family sporting event? And yeah, the fine was slap on the wrist, especially compared to the multi-million dollar revenues from Super Bowl coverage.
But really, have some perspective. It was just a titty.
I've never seen video of the incident, but since I was writing about it, I figured I should make sure there wasn't more to it than I imagined, so I hunted down an online video of the performance—it took about 12 seconds—and checked. There's even less here than I thought. This video shows the whole performance, and her breast was out for about one second before the lights went out and the camera cut away to the fireworks. This video clip of the incident itself is cropped closer and has slow-motion replay, and her right breast is clearly out and jiggling, but her nipple seems to be obscured by something. Only if you actually go through the trouble of looking at a detail of a video frame capture can you actually see some bare nipple. Why so much fuss about something this hard to see?
Their lawyer also said the FCC fine has had a "profoundly censorious effect" on the broadcasting industry by discouraging them from showing material that the FCC might judge indecent.
Well -- duh! Yes, enforcing indecency laws will actually have a deterrent effect. But unfortunately, a few small fines for broadcast indecency -- assessed sporadically-- has only served to send mixed messages to broadcasters about what the FCC will tolerate.
The Illinois Review website bills itself as "the crossroads of the conservative community." I seem to remember that in the distant past (the Clinton presidency) the conservative movement in this country spent a lot of time talking about the perils of "big government." How is cranking up FCC enforcement of rules for the broadcast industry not big government?
I can't help but think that one way to avoid sending mixed messages would be to get the FCC to stop censoring our television channels.
The executives and producers at CBS knew exactly what they were doing, and they knew it in 2004 when they gave a high profile stage over to MTV, Janet Jackson, and Justin Timberlake. They wanted to push the envelope and create a media buzz -- and boy did they get it! It's three years later and we're still talking about it. There is no way they could have gotten this kind of publicity for a mere $550,000.
So CBS did this for the publicity? Really? Does David E. Smith really believe that a television network with world-wide rights to televise the Super Bowl needs to attract attention by showing a woman's breast?
How does that pay off for the network? Were some people still tuning in to CBS months later just to see if they'd show another breast?
I don't think so.
Only one person was in a position to both stage the incident and benefit from it. You might say I'm a believer in the lone-titty theory: Janet Jackson did this to attract attention to herself.
That's not to say that Janet Jackson is the only person who benefited from this incident. Far from it. In fact, I'd say the biggest beneficiaries are the organized religious right, people like David E. Smith and the Illinois Family Institute. Three and a half years later they're still milking it for publicity.
September 13, 2007
The Big Bang Theory - An Early Review
I just saw a preview of The Big Bang Theory, a sitcom about two highly intelligent but nerdy roommates who have a pretty new neighbor move in across the hall from them.
It was co-created by Chuck Lorre, the man who gave us Two and a Half Men so I had reasonably high expectations. It seemed to be well written with plenty of clever lines, but the characters were little more than two dimensional stereotypes. As is so often the case with half hour sitcoms these days, they only have 21 minutes to bring the funny and the jokes often seem rushed, throwing off the timing.
The best part was the vanity card at the end of the show. A vanity card identifies the production company and Chuck Lorre’s shows have a vanity card with a different joke/funny story nearly every week. You have to freeze frame it with your TiVo, and it is usually very funny. I wonder if he will keep this up and have unique cards for this show and for Two and a Half Men.
If the actors get a better handle on the timing, this could be a funny show, but if it does not improve over the pilot, I would skip it.
The Big Bang Theory stars Johnny Galecki (Roseanne) and Jim Parsons. It premieres Monday, September 24 on CBS at 8:30/7:30 Central.
August 11, 2007
Californication - A Review
When I saw that an advance copy of the new Showtime series Californication was availble on Netflix, I had mixed feelings. A comedy starring David Duchovny could be really good. He's proven his comedic chops on The Larry Sanders Show and he brought some humor to his role on The X-Files as well. Plus, advanced reviews tend to generate a good number of hits on the blog. However, I was afraid I would like it and not be able to watch future episodes as I don't have Showtime. That's something I needn't have worried about.
Duchovny plays Hank, a bachelor with writer's block and a penchant for unavailable women. He sleeps with one married woman after another on his path to self destruction. It's played for laughs - not big laughs, but ironic puffs of air escaping your nostrils kind of laughs. I didn't find it very funny, and aside from normal respiration, there was no air coming out of my nose. As a character study, I suppose it's mildy interesting and the acting is fine, but I just don't care enough about any of the characters to continue watching. Even if I did have Showtime.
If you are still interested in checking it out for yourself, Californication premiers on Showtime Monday August 13th at 10:30 pm / 9:30 Central.
Update: I should have mentioned that this is R-rated fare and not meant for the kiddies. Mature situations, nudity and foul language.
July 23, 2007
Saving Grace
Saving Grace is a new series on TNT starring Holly Hunter, the latest film actor to make the jump to the small screen. She plays Grace (natch) Hanadarko, an Oklahoma City police detective battling her own personal demons.
You might say she's slightly flawed. She's an alcoholic, exhibitionistic, sexual addict with anger issues. She blames herself for her sister's death in the Oklahoma City bombing. She's having an affair with a married man.
One night she hits a pedestrian while driving drunk and kills him. She calls out to God for help and is promptly visited by a tobacco-chewing, wise-cracking angel.
I can just hear the pitch meeting for this show: "It's Rescue Me meets Touched by an Angel." While there are familiar elements from these shows, Saving Grace is like nothing I've seen before. It plays like a complete original.
For a show that deals with faith and God, it's pretty racy. There's as much sex, semi-nudity, and cursing as any episode of Rescue Me. I'm wary of TV shows telling me what God is or what God wants, but so far, Saving Grace has managed to cleverly avoid giving us, or Grace, the "Answers".
Holly Hunter is fantastic as Grace. She is joined by Laura San Giacomo as her best friend and the rural equivalent of a CSI. Leon Rippy plays Earl, the angel that's come to save Grace.
Saving Grace airs Mondays at 10pm/9pm Central on TNT.
July 16, 2007
John From Cincinnati - Review
John From Cincinnati is all about angry stupid people.
But not uninteresting angry stupid people.
The show was created by David Milch, co creater of NYPD Blue and Deadwood. Set in the California surfing town of Imperial Beach, the show is in some sense a family drama, revolving around the spectacularly dysfunctional Yost family and their equally disturbed and tortured friends.
The joker in the deck is John, a mysterious stranger who appears at first to be a developmentally challenged young man who has a habit of repeating what other people say to him. Asked to empty his pockets, he has just the right amount of cash, a cell phone, and a platinum credit card.
Then the miracles start.
The Yosts and their friends notice the strange occurences when they happen, but they're so tied up in their own personal crises that they can barely muster a reaction to these miracles. Mitch Yost levitates, for example, and it bothers him, but it's not the only thing that's on his mind. Some of the other residents of Imperial Beach, however, can think of nothing else.
John isn't involved in these miracles, but we get the sense that he's responsible for them, and we notice more strange things about him—the weirdest so far being that he apparently has no idea what a toilet is used for. Maybe he's an angel. Maybe he's the second coming and these people are going to be his disciples.
I suspect we'll never get the details about John, because I think the show is going to be about how people react to him and the kinds of things that happen around him. Then again, I really have no idea where all this is going.
But I'd like to find out...
March 12, 2007
Rules of Engagement
Rules of Engagement
This new sitcom on CBS stars Patrick Warburton, David Spade, and Oliver Hudson as three friends/neighbors/acquaintances in very different stages of relationships. Warburton plays Jeff a veteran of marriage, while Hudson portrays the newly engaged Adam. Spade’s Russell is a bachelor with no plans of ever getting tied down. Megyn Price, formerly of Grounded for Life, plays Jeff’s wife Audrey and Bianca Kajlich is Adam’s fiancée.
It sounds like a great concept for a series with great potential. Unfortunately, when I am watching it, I feel as if I am watching two very different shows depending on who is on the screen at the time – one funny, one not-so-much.
The scenes with Jeff and Audrey, are often hilarious, but the engaged couple is sadly lacking in comic timing and seem out of their element. I have never been a big fan of David Spade's and he does nothing here to win me over. I still have a couple of episodes on my TiVo that I have not seen and I’m hoping that the rest of the cast improves with time. For now, Warburton and Price are enough to keep me watching.
Rules of Engagement currently airs on CBS Mondays at 9:30 pm / 8:30 Central Time.
January 19, 2007
The Black Donnellys
This show has not been on the air yet, but as a critic, I am able to get advanced copies of shows. Okay, I’m full of it. I got it from Netflix. It's available on DVD with a mid-season recap of the show Heroes.
NBC doesn’t seem to be fully behind this show. The Netflix DVD gives Heroes top billing and it only features a recap of the season so far. You would think that the full length pilot would be the focus. Heroes is already successful, while a new show with a cast of unknowns could benefit from some extra marketing / promotion. NBC's website doesn't give nearly as much info on this new series as TV.com does. And aside from the names of the cast members, probably not as much as I provide here.
The Black Donnellys is a show about four Irish brothers in a New York neighborhood who get caught up in the world of organized crime. There is nothing these siblings would not do for each other – as long as it involves gratuitous violence.
I don’t mind a little darkness in a story, but there’s got to be a glimmer of hope. This show just has characters that make one bad choice after another, sinking themselves deeper into a violent abyss. At the end of my day I want a slightly sunnier picture of the world than this show offers. The performances and the writing are fine and this may be someone else's cup of tea, just not mine. I should also mention that the pilot is co-written by Paul Haggis (Million Dollar Baby, Crash).
I didn’t see any schedule info on the official web site, but I read on TV.com that NBC will air The Black Donnellys on Mondays starting March 5th in the timeslot that Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip now occupies (10:00 / 9:00 pm Central). After a trial period - length unknown, Studio 60 will return for the season's final four episodes (God-willing).
January 14, 2007
I Called It!
I just finished watching the sixth season premier of 24. It looks like it's going to be another very bad day for Jack.
Shortly before the start of the fifth season, I made a prediction about Jack Bauer, and that prediction has now come true. Telling you what it was would be a spoiler for tonight's episode, so I'm putting it below the fold.
January 8, 2007
The Best Show You're Not Watching
My favorite new show of this TV season is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Unfortunately, I seem to be in the minority. But that’s because people just don’t get it.
The show boasts a great cast that includes Matthew Perry, Sarah Paulson, Amanda Peet and a handful West Wing veterans. It’s a smart and funny show produced by Aaron Sorkin, the creator of such excellent TV fare as The West Wing and Sports Night. It takes place behind the scenes of a Saturday Night Live type of show called "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip". The key words here are behind the scenes.
One of the main complaints I’ve heard around the water cooler or seen on line, is that the jokes and sketches that are in the show-within-the-show (to be known for this posting as "Studio 60") are just not funny. I don't know what they're spiking the water cooler with, but I have laughed more watching Studio 60 than I have in the last 20 years of SNL.
Well, in case you missed the premise, this show is about what goes on BEHIND the scenes of an SNL type show. The emphasis is not on the content of the show-within-the-show or what happens when “Studio 60” is “on the air”. The humor comes from how the characters react to what happens offstage or in preparation of the show. A couple of the actual sketches were quite funny as well, such as “Spit-take Theater” or when Dateline: To Catch a Predator busted Santa Claus.
It would seem to me that they would not want to compete with SNL for topics/material seeing as how they are on the same network and all. I think the people that are disappointed with the show are just looking for a show like SNL. That is not what this show is. (behind the scenes, people.)
So, do yourself a favor, watch Studio 60 with no pre-conceived expectations or at least the correct one. Watch it expecting that you’re going to see a well-written, character-based drama that will also make you laugh.
Update: Studio 60 Live on the Sunset Strip airs 10:00/9:00pm Central - Monday Nights on NBC (thanks, Bonnie!)
December 12, 2006
A Few Words From Linda Paey
Last week, I mentioned that the Court of Appeal in Florida had rejected Richard Paey's appeal of his 25-year sentence for taking too much pain medication.
Richard Paey's wife left a comment on that post:
The denial of Rich's appeal was devastating news to our family. We were shocked to see that they allowed this conviction to stand. What does this say about the other cases that pass through that office? Why isn't this offensive to those who hold positions of influence? What needs to happen before officials act to stop overzealous prosecutors from inundating our prisons with nonviolent offenders. I have lost hope that justice will ever come to us in a Florida court.
Linda Paey
This is so depressing. According to Technorati, Windypundit ranks number 20,670 in the world of blogs. How desperate is Linda Paey to have even found my blog?
(While discussing this with my wife, it occurred to me that if it somehow helps Linda Paey to know that people like me are writing about her husband's plight...maybe this blog is doing some good in the world.)
Richard Paey was having a hard life. He had a back injury from a car accident which was made worse by unsuccessful surgery. He had multiple sclerosis.
And then some cops and a bastard of a prosecutor decided he needed to be taught a lesson.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be Richard or Linda Paey. Actually, I can imagine, just a little, what it would be like to be Linda Paey. I can imagine a SWAT team busting in and forcing my wife and I to the floor of our own home. I can imagine my wife's fear and confusion and my anger. And then...I can't go any further. My imagination fails me, and my will to imagine such horrors fails me. The Paeys are living through something I don't even want to thing about.
I get angry on behalf of the Paeys every time I encounter this story. How is it that stuff like this can happen in America? As she says, "Why isn't this offensive to those who hold positions of influence?" Heck, why aren't there mobs with torches marching on the courthouse?
November 15, 2006
House's Weak-Ass Peeps
I'm a fan of the show House and I watch it pretty regularly, but the last few episodes have been driving me crazy. Drug police who think they know more about medicine than doctors are depressing enough in real life. I don't need them in my escapist fiction.
Meanwhile, however, will sombody please tell House's staff to STOP TALKING TO THE DAMNED COP!!!
Jeez. House should make them all watch The Wire and take a few lessons from some corner boys. "Doctor Gregory House? I don't know no Doctor Gregory House!"
October 28, 2006
Shooting Your Fans in the Foot
Exhibit 1: The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are all over the internet, and Stephen Colbert talks about his YouTube popularity on the show. It's the internet buzz that everyone on television wants for their own show.
Well...everyone except the folks who run the Comedy Central channel:
I received a couple of emails from YouTube this afternoon (see below) notifying me that a third party (probably attorneys for Comedy Central) had made a DMCA request to take down Colbert Report and Daily Show clips. If you visit YouTube, all Daily Show, Colbert Report and South Park clips now show “This video has been removed due to terms of use violation.”
This is legally correct—they own the show and have the right to control its use—but what the heck are they thinking?
I can understand the case for South Park. They sell the South Park seasons on DVD
But when it comes to the Daily Show and the Colbert Report, are they insane? What else are they going to do with the old episodes? It's current events television. Nobody wants to even watch last year's episodes on TV, let alone buy DVDs full of the stuff. Amazon has only one listing for Daily Show DVDs
Exhibit 2: Universal Studios presumably decided to greenlight the movie Serenity largely because the series it's based on, Firefly, had such a rabid fan base. To take advantage of this, they provided an unusually large amout of artistic and promotional material and encouraged fans to participate in the marketing of the movie by setting up web sites and printing bumper stickers.
It seemed to work fairly well:
While the theatrical release of Serenity met only modest success at the box office, the Browncoats campaign maintained momentum through the DVD release, whose success spurred additional sales of the original Firefly DVD. At one point following the release of Serenity on DVD, both Serenity and Firefly were #1 and #2 on Amazon.com's bestseller list despite the Firefly DVD being over a year old.
But now, this:
"11th Hour Art’s offering for sale and sale of unauthorized “Serenity” shirts may give rise to multiple violations of law, giving rise to various causes of action for copyright infringement, counterfeiting, and unfair competition, among other claims. Recovery on one or more of these claims may include attorney’s fees, treble damages, statutory damages, and punitive damages."
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The Demand continues, and includes such stipulations that within 72 hours I must agree to: pay a retroactive $8,750 licensing fee; the permanent closing of my shop; turn over any merchandise referring to the Universal Property; and provide the last 12 months complete sales records... there's more, but that's the gist... oh, except for the threat of federal court and the statutory damages thingy of $150,000 per infringed work... don't want to go leaving that part out.
I guess you can stop the signal.
Again, Universal is legally in the right. Or maybe it's Fox forcing Universal to do it. This was a woman selling Serenity-themed T-shirts without licensing the rights.
But what the heck are they thinking? For $8,750 they're going to alienate a huge number of fans of the show. Not to mention that next time Universal tries to enlist their fans in promoting a movie, they'll probably get a cold reception.
Or an invoice.
[Update: I have corrected the gender of the artist behind 11th Hour based on a comment by Tom McAllister. His comment also had the best summary of the situation: "this was a ham-fisted first approach by the legal department of a corporation that the fans had thought of as their partners in fantasy." That's beautifully put.]
July 1, 2006
Shatner Seranades Lucas
William Shatner's tribute to George Lucas. This is why I have broadband.
(Hat tip: The Volokh Conspiracy)
May 23, 2006
Jack's Long Day Comes to an End
(You know, I can't believe I didn't have a Television Department until now. How could I not have realized the importance of having a Television Department?)
Spoilers for the 24 season finale after the jump.
May 1, 2006
The Jack Bauer Power Hour!
That title's from over at Dave Barry's blog where he posts an entry about 24 every Monday, and then his readers pile on with comments as the show runs.
Audrey Raines, daughter of Secretary-of-Defense-William-Devane, is reviled perhaps even more than Kim Bauer was during the first couple of seasons.
"Oh, good, we get to see Audrey bleeding to death, yet again."
"Crap! Awdrey's gonna survive."
"Yeah Audrey's fine. she's propped up against a dumpster, bleeding out."
And everybody thinks this season's villains are losers compared Marwan....at least until the Jack Bauer v.s. Robocop thing started to shape up.
I haven't been following the group from the beginning, so I don't understand some of the references. They call President Charles Logan "President Manilow" because he "makes Barry Manilow look like Vin Diesel," but I can't figure out why they call him "President Handbag"...unless it's because the Miami Herald won't let Dave Barry say "douchbag."
On the other hand, I understand the references to the "First Cleavage." And I agree with everybody about WonderChloe a.k.a. the "sexy pouting goddess of reconfiguring things."
Here are some other comments lifted from thousands so far this season:
- There will be two hours of canister-huntin', thigh-shootin', perimeter-establishin', moron-president-vacillatin', Jack-Bauer-style action tonight, starting at 8 Eastern.
- But seriously: I think I have the gist of it. There was a mole at CTU, yes? The 9-year-old that Chloe was boinking? And they figured this out? Of course it's not much of a mystery: There's always a mole at CTU. They have some kind of affirmative-action program that requires them to hire a certain percentage of mole-Americans.
- The bastards shot former acting acting president Allstate Insurance Spokesperson!
- The guy actually believed Jack wouldn't shoot him! Obviously he has never seen this show.
- There's, like, dozens of agents after Jack. They have NO chance.
- Speaking of canisters: the first lady's cleavage played a key role in the plot last night. Also, a hobbit is running the CTU.
- Subplot alert! The Hobbit has a crazy sister.
- Audrey talked for like 35 seconds there without weeping.
- President Manilow is definitely sleeping on the First Sofa tonight.
- Twenty minutes and not a single shot fired. What is this? Sesame Street?
- Oooh! Mall security! Those guys are good.
- OK, he's pretending to be knocked out, right? You can't knock out Jack Bauer just by hitting him really hard on the head!
- The terrorists are talking to Canister Technical Support.
-
imagine being CTU Human Resources...
"I used to work here, but I got de-instated..."
"but then I got re-instated..., and then re-de-instated..."
"is my 401k in a flank 2 position?"
- Yes! Neck breakage!
- Jack is also of course a highly trained paramedic. Later, he will do everybody's income taxes.
- Does it seem like every 15 minutes, they (a) set up a freaking perimeter, and (b) take Jack back into custody?
- Chloe's gonna data-mine the files and keep it under the radar. God, I love Chloe.
- Wouldn't it be funny if Jack actually WENT to the men's room? For a change? Chloe could flush the urinal remotely.
- Memo: If you ever become president, DON'T give the terrorists your T-Mobile number, because they will NEVER stop calling you.
"so then I got de-re-de-instated..."
"but that's ok, 'cause it got cleared..."
- They're gonna torture Audrey! Be still my heart.
- Heat signatures AND approach vectors!
- A unit-wide backslash protocol! Those bastards!
- Chloe's re-tasking the satellite for a full infrared sweep. That is why we love her.
- There's the old barn, such as you find all over the LA area.
"We'll need your manager's approval to maintain your healthcare coverage...you know, in case you get shot in the thigh..."
"My manager is in holding...can I have the TAC Team sign off?..."
- Don't you like hate it when a vector is locked out by a class one priority override?
- I frankly don't see how Jack is going to get out of this alive. Other than the three-year, $40 million contract, I mean.
- Oh, the old "There's always a contingency plan" ruse.
- Contingency this.
Shoot him Jack!! - It's over, Christopher. There can only be one.
- whoa!!!!! Thelma and Louise!!!
- Geez, just get under a tree for Pete's sake! Always with the dramatic gestures that one...
- Okay, the REAL question is, what flimsy excuse are the writers going to give Robocop to let Audrey live when she screws up and lets him get away???
- Scary Sherri! Love her! A total nutbag. In CTU, of course.
- nononononononono not CTU medical.
- "I know, I'll put my hood up like the Unabomber. They'll never see me!"
- PS...those British flags on the car...let me go on record as saying that I always suspected Camilla Bowles was behind the whole thing...
And of course...Edgar is still dead.
September 23, 2005
Commandress in Chief
I keep seeing ads like this:
This Fall A Woman Will Be President
Commander In Chief
It's a TV series on ABC. That's all I know about it. I don't know who's in it or who made it, and I don't want to know.
I guess it's about a woman president. How does that make it a series? Every time I see that ad I think "Okay, a woman president and...and...?"
I'm trying to picture what it could be about. I mean, if "The President is a Woman" is your only series concept, how many episodes can you get?
- Week 1: (Pilot) Inauguration Day
- Week 2: Sexual Discrimination
- Week 3: Women in the Military
- Week 4: Sacrificing a Female Staff Member To Prove She Doesn't Discriminate Against Men
- Week 5: Equal Pay
- Week 6: (November sweeps weeks) Rape
- Week 7: (November sweeps weeks) Abortion
- Week 8: (November sweeps weeks) Lesbians
- Week 9: (November sweeps weeks) Rape, Abortion, and Lesbians
That gets them to the winter hiatus. After that, they're out of series-specific story ideas, so they're just West Wing with a chick. I suppose they could stretch it with a few episodes about how hard it is to be a President and a mommy or something.
Heck, I don't know anything about it. It could be brilliant. But can I just point out that Battlestar Galactica has had a woman president for almost two years now?
Update: I gave in and checked out the show a little more.
Geena Davis is playing Vice President Mackenzie Allen, who succeeds a dying President.
Sample dialog (via tv.com):
Vice President Allen: I'm going to go out there, and I'm going to take the oath of office. I'm going to run this government.... and if some Islamic nations can't tolerate a female president, then I promise you.... it will be more their problem than mine!
and
Jim: Madame Vice President, I must insist that you strongly consider resigning.....
Vice President Allen: Jim, you're not in a position to insist how I take my coffee!
Apparently, an episode has already aired. Little did I know.
January 16, 2003
The Lying Game
Am I the only person who's hoping that when Joe Millionaire finally chooses one woman and reveals that he's actually poor, she reveals that she's actually a man in drag?
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